The dreams in which I’m (not) dying

—Cue “Mad World” by Tears for Fears (Spotify, YouTube)

I’m in my late twenties or early thirties. I have successfully concluded my university studies in the US, even gotten my master’s degree, and have returned home to Greece. My friends and family are organizing a welcome back party to celebrate my return and accomplishments. However, a few days after I arrive, I am called into my high school principal’s office where I am informed in a very stern voice that I have not completed a round of the Panhellenics (the national university entrance exams that were mandatory for every high school junior and senior) and I have to retake them, and maybe even repeat a year or two of high school. No matter how much I argue that I have finished university and I couldn’t possibly owe anything at the high school level, the principal is insistent and relentless. “You must return to high school and fulfill your obligations. We expect you to be here promptly on Monday morning.” I leave my old school upset and despondent. I had barely survived my high school years and there was no way I was going back. I call my friends to cancel any celebrations and confess to a few of them that I am seriously contemplating leaving the country, and might never return. Invariably, this is the point where I wake up in a cold sweat, heart pounding, out of breath like I had run uphill for several kilometers.

I’ve had pleasant dreams, anxious dreams, bizarre dreams, scary dreams, wet dreams, but I rarely remember any of them. This specific nightmare, however, kept coming back till my late 30s, maybe even 40s, and I still remember it vividly. Nightmares about the Panhellenics are common among Greeks for years and decades after high school, and one thing that still binds me to a common Greek experience. I never really wondered why I had this particular nightmare as the Panhellenics are an extremely stressful time for most who take them, sometimes resulting in students taken to the hospital for panic attacks. There have even been suicides (link in Greek). I do wonder though why we have nightmares at all. What is the purpose of disturbing our sleep with horrifying scenarios, real or imagined?

—Cue “Το Βαλς Των Χαμένων Ονείρων” [The Waltz of Lost Dreams] by Manos Hadjidakis (Spotify, YouTube)

Dream interpretation in Greece has a long history. Patients who arrived at Asclepieia, the healing temples that were spread throughout ancient Greece, engaged in dream interpretation to determine what treatment they would receive. Kazamias, the annual Greek almanac, includes Oneirokritis, a dream interpreter. We constantly try to make sense of our dreams, yet, if we are to be honest, we don’t really know why dreams occur and what, if anything, they mean.

There is no consensus of why we dream, but different scientific theories suggest that dreams may have multiple functions such as consolidating memory, processing emotions, clearing out unnecessary information from our brain, or replaying events in our head. Some scientists even believe that there is no intrinsic purpose to our dreams, and they are just an incidental part of brain activity. And yet, dreams have always fascinated us. We spend considerable personal and collective time trying to make sense of them. But of all the dreams we have, why nightmares?

In training for responding to a crisis, we practice and repeat techniques over and over again until we build muscle memory. In more advanced training, we also use roleplay to try out scenarios, so that if we ever encounter them, we’ll be more prepared. But our ancestors couldn’t roleplay an attack by a lion or saber-toothed tiger, and yet had to prepare for such possibilities. Some scientists have suggested that this may be the evolutionary purpose of dreams and nightmares––for our brain to roleplay scary and dangerous situations in the relative safety of sleep. Nightmares are also common among people who suffer from PTSD, and they may function as a coping mechanism.

—Cue “Dreams” by The Cranberries (Spotify, YouTube)

After my kids were born, I would occasionally have a nightmare where something bad happened to one of them. Anyone who has kids can probably relate to that fear, whether it comes in the form of nightmares or intrusive thoughts while awake. I found those nightmares even more disturbing than the ones about the Panhellenics until I finally figured out a way to deal with them. In that half asleep half awake stage often present right after we wake up, when we are most likely to remember our dreams, I would quickly replay the nightmare scenario that had just occurred in my brain, develop a more positive conclusion to it, and then will myself back to sleep where I would dream again with a similar script but this time with a happier ending. I don’t really know how or why I developed this response, as I could never do lucid dreaming, although it is possible this approach is an adaptation of that. Regardless, this technique helps me manage my nightmares; I’ve even used it on negative thoughts that plague me while awake.

I still can’t say that I know why we dream and especially why we have nightmares. I still don’t remember the vast majority of my dreams. All I know is that in several hours, I will fall asleep again and my brain, for its own peculiar reasons, will construct a variety of visual and sensory scenarios and play them out in rapid and nonsensical succession. And if they’re nightmares, I’m ready to wrestle with them.

Sweet dreams, everyone.

—Cue “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” by the Eurythmics (Spotify, YouTube)