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American Alien

September 11, 2019/ Jenna Bao

I am an alien
My eyes, my skin color, my being
Jump out like a wilting wisteria in the midst of
A perfumed garden of pruned, perfect, and pretty pansies
I know I do not belong in this sea of porcelain

I grow like the thin, wispy fractures on a glass window
Little by little, then all at once
I learn that children are beautiful angels
Their words are silver bullets piercing through my pounding heart
Spreading misery and misfortune
Each stare and each remark push me off the ledge
Sending me down a black hole of self-loathing
We are taught to be honest as children
And I was the most honest of them all
Lying to myself about who I was and who I needed to be

Thousands of years of history enclosed in the Pandora’s Box of my mother tongue
Become as useless to me as gum wrappers on bustling streets
Generations of rich, vivid culture become daggers
Arming the clash of my internal struggle
Warm, steaming dumplings bathed in brothy, light soup drown me
Bright, soft cloth depicting images of old stories with silk stitchings
Suffocate me through the skin I no longer recognized
I despise that country because those around me despise it
A communist, conservative, cult of creatures
All so foreign to my adopted American attitude

The sun sleeps as I walk into the theater
I see them
People with my eyes, my skin color, my being
On the big screen and loved by all
This connection was the key
Saving me from my lifelong inner battle
I am a golden, glistening sandcastle washed away by the beating, gray waves
Yearning to be rebuilt
I learn to love this foreign country that owns me

I celebrate each holiday
I learn about the battles of my ancestors and the struggles of my kin
I pull my culture out like an old sweater
In the depths of a dark, musty closet
Wearing it proudly for all to see
This group of people like me are my brothers and sisters
Born in America but always connected to our mother country
Thousands of years of history that flow within me
Like the cold, crisp water in a quiet, clear creek
It is all mine
It is all me
I am an alien that belongs

Jenna Bao is a rising high school senior from San Jose, California. Coming from a vibrant community filled with diversity, Jenna has grown up surrounded by the stories and experiences of people from all walks of life. Through her poetry and prose, she aims to give others a peek into her own colorful world by bringing these treasured memories to life. Find her at instagram.com/jennabao.

School Lunch Archive

  • 2021
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Friday Lunch Blog

Friday Lunch! A serving of contemporary essays published the second Friday of every month.

Today’s course:

Meeting My Child Self at the Trauma Play

May 9, 2025/in Blog / Gale Naylor
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https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Gale-Headshot-01July2024.jpg 1791 1587 Gale Naylor https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/lunch-ticket-logo-white-text-only.png Gale Naylor2025-05-09 11:55:262025-05-11 09:48:03Meeting My Child Self at the Trauma Play

Products of Our Environment

March 14, 2025/in Blog / Mitko Grigorov
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https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Mitko_Grigorov.jpg 378 300 Mitko Grigorov https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/lunch-ticket-logo-white-text-only.png Mitko Grigorov2025-03-14 11:00:082025-03-31 11:51:57Products of Our Environment

Mother-to-Mother: An Open Letter about White Privilege and Fragility

November 22, 2024/in Blog / Dr. Valerie Nyberg
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https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nyberg-stairs-2.jpg 1600 1200 Dr. Valerie Nyberg https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/lunch-ticket-logo-white-text-only.png Dr. Valerie Nyberg2024-11-22 11:55:082024-12-04 15:05:42Mother-to-Mother: An Open Letter about White Privilege and Fragility

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Midnight Snack

Take a bite out of these late night obsessions.

Tonight’s bites:

The dreams in which I’m (not) dying

April 25, 2025/in Midnight Snack / paparouna
Read more
https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/paparouna-photo.jpeg 960 720 paparouna https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/lunch-ticket-logo-white-text-only.png paparouna2025-04-25 23:55:312025-04-24 15:06:46The dreams in which I’m (not) dying

On The Map

March 28, 2025/in Midnight Snack / Ariadne Will
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https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/20220807-ariadnesaxt-MurielReid-01.jpg 1123 2000 Ariadne Will https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/lunch-ticket-logo-white-text-only.png Ariadne Will2025-03-28 23:55:152025-03-31 11:49:32On The Map

Disappear Where? A Meditation on the Lost and Getting Lost

November 1, 2024/in Midnight Snack / Reid Delehanty
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https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/why-kei-8e2gal_GIE8-unsplash-scaled-1.jpg 1707 2560 Reid Delehanty https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/lunch-ticket-logo-white-text-only.png Reid Delehanty2024-11-01 23:51:172024-12-04 15:37:16Disappear Where? A Meditation on the Lost and Getting Lost

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Amuse-Bouche

Little bites every third Friday to whet your appetite!

Today’s plate:

we don’t spend our lives in the belly of the fish

May 16, 2025/in Amuse-Bouche / translated from French by Gabriella Bedetti and Don Boes
Read more
https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/headshot-translator-Gabriella-Bedetti.jpg 400 400 translated from French by Gabriella Bedetti and Don Boes https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/lunch-ticket-logo-white-text-only.png translated from French by Gabriella Bedetti and Don Boes2025-05-16 11:00:362025-05-14 17:05:21we don’t spend our lives in the belly of the fish

Fourberie

May 2, 2025/in Amuse-Bouche / Terese Coe
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https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Head-shot-TC-new.jpg 377 311 Terese Coe https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/lunch-ticket-logo-white-text-only.png Terese Coe2025-05-02 11:00:092025-05-01 15:09:24Fourberie

Vernacular

April 18, 2025/in Amuse-Bouche / Mary Morris
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https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/mary.jpg 576 480 Mary Morris https://lunchticket.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/lunch-ticket-logo-white-text-only.png Mary Morris2025-04-18 11:00:362025-04-16 16:24:31Vernacular

More Amuse-Bouche »

Word From the Editor

The managers of Lunch Ticket all agreed that issue 26 needed to have a theme, and that theme had a responsibility to call for work relating to what we are seeing in society. We wanted a theme that resonated with Antioch University MFA’s mission of advancing “racial, social, economic, disability, gender, and environmental justice,” and we felt it was time to take a stand…

More from the current editor »
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