Migraine Abecedarian

I.

Acceptance and commitment therapy, acupuncture, Advil, Aimovig (preventive monthly shot), Aleve, Allegra, allergy shots, aspartame avoidance (no diet drinks or Nutrasweet), aspirin, Ayurveda, bargaining with God, bedrest, beta-blockers (blood pressure too low), biofeedback, birth control pills (made headaches worse), Botox (in forehead, temples, scalp, and neck), caffeine (total avoidance/regular dosing–nothing in between), calling in sick (again), Calm app, chiropractic, codeine, Coke (the drink, not the drug, although Freud took cocaine for his), coffee, Compazine suppository (anti-emetic), counseling, craniosacral therapy, dairy-free, darkness, denial, driving myself to the ER with a barf bag, earplugs, energy healing, exercise, Fioricet (butalbital, acetaminophen, and caffeine), Flonase, ginger ale, gluten-free diet, hot bath with ice pack at back of neck, hot shower, ice, Imitrex (sumatriptan), intravenous migraine cocktail (Reglan, Benadryl, Toradol, triptan), IV saline (one bag for dehydration), jogging, kinesiology, kneading temples, lavender oil, lights out, lying face-down on cold bathroom tile, massage, Maxalt (orally disintegrating rizatriptan benzoate), menopause (jury’s still out; my mom’s lessened in frequency but didn’t go away); mindfulness meditation, MRI (nothing wrong), Nasonex, no chocolate, no alcohol, no cheese, Nurtec (calcitonin gene-related peptide receptor antagonist), night guard to prevent clenching, NTI-tss (dental device clipped on top front teeth; had to quit using so I wouldn’t swallow in my sleep), orgasm, peppermint tea, Phenergan (suppository to quell nausea and bring on sleep), physical therapy, Pilates, pissing off coworkers by asking them not to wear perfume or cologne, prayer, pregnancy (daily headache during first trimester), physical therapy, Qi Gong, quiet, quitting jobs, quitting the gym, Reiki, Relpax (eletriptan), silence, sleep, sleep study (“narcolepsoid” tendencies; invalid daytime sleepiness test—couldn’t forgo caffeine), sunglasses, Tai Chi, Topamax (aka “Dopamax”), Transcendental Meditation, Treximet (Imitrex and naproxen sodium; insurance won’t cover), Tylenol, Ubrelvy (insurance won’t cover), undoing hairbands, unscented products (soap, shampoo, lotion, detergent), veganism, vegetarianism, vomiting, walking, whole foods diet, X-rays (nothing wrong), yoga, Zofran (anti-emetic), Zoloft (antidepressant), zonisamide (anti-seizure), Zyrtec (anti-histamine).

II.

Side Effects: anxiety, brain fog, constipation, depression, diarrhea, dizziness, elevated blood pressure, fatigue, gastritis, hair loss, headache, hives (from Aimovig), indigestion, irregular heartbeat, jaw pain, kidney problems, low blood pressure, lower libido, mania, nausea, osteoporosis, ptosis (eyelid drooping from Botox), queasiness, rash, restlessness, Spock eyebrow (from Botox), stroke, tremors, ulcer, vascular events, vertigo, weight gain, weight loss, excessive daytime sleepiness, yellowing of eyes (liver malfunction), zinc deficiency.

Results: mixed. Conclusion: none – most days my migraine accompanies me.